The call to be one’s self: Reflections on Zazen

In darkness it is most bright, while hidden all the more manifest.

The crane dreams in the wintry mists, the autumn waters flow far in the distance.

I feel fortunate to have found the Zen tradition. And honestly it just happened. There was a Zen group on my college campus, I wanted to learn about Buddhism and someone gave me a Zen book, by Thich Nhat Hanh. I discovered there was a Zen Monastery two hours away from my parents house. 

Zen made sense to me. In the sense that it didn’t make sense to my rational mind, which I was beginning to see was capable of doubting and disproving just about anything. 

Zen didn’t ask much from me, but to sit still, to be quiet, to be myself.

It felt honest, true in that sense.

I feel fortunate to be in the Zen tradition because it provides a loose form for us to be ourselves. It says, hey--you, you who are always trying so hard...

Sit Down

Relax

Let yourself be quiet for a while

Relax

You don’t need to try to be anything else here

You don’t need to improve yourself in anyway

You can let go of all of that

Just sit

Relax

Just sit

And then the mind goes…

Wait, what should I do? 

Wait, I'm not sure I want to be myself, is there something else I can be? 

Wait, isn’t there a method, something to do

--something to become? 

And the stillness of zazen replies, with great ease and confidence:

Nope nothing, except whatever is arising

See you aren’t separate from anything

You are already healed

You already belong

You just got mis-informed somewhere along the way

And started thinking that

The coming and going of thoughts

The costumes you wear

The roles you play

The ideas and beliefs that flirt with you

You started thinking those were you

So you tried to hold on, to make something of them

But they slip away

Always slipping from your grasp

Like autumn water, flowing far in the distance

Isn’t that beautiful?

Your life is constantly being sourced

You are the source

Of it all

Nothing and everything

This is a conversation with darkness, with un-knowing, with the mysterious source of all things. Sometimes we call this pointing to direct nature; zen.

The zen of being— itself. So true. Always right here.