Alertly seeing through confusion: bringing wonder into the world

Zen Master Hongzhi says in his beautiful poem Guidepost for Silent Illumination

What is this wonder?

Alertly seeing through confusion 

Is the way of silent illumination

And the origin of subtle radiance

I want to start by sharing a story. A student asks their teacher, what is the most important teaching in Zen.

And the teacher writes the word: Attention!

The student sees the word, but can’t believe it so asks again, and again the teacher writes the word: Attention!

This happens a third time, and the third time the teacher writes Attention! Attention! Attention!

I have been thinking about this simple teaching about attention. We can sometimes think, oh attention, yes, that is so foundational. That is beginners practice. Yet–without attention, actually we aren’t practicing at all.

And we are always attending to something. We were in sesshin last week and I realized in sesshin my attention is resting in subtle states of awareness, attuned to silence, peace, non-doing. And then this week, there is inevitably more activity. I am preparing to move out of the monastery after 12 years, we are ending ango so many of the other residents are preparing for holiday travels, my mind has been remembering and appreciating different aspects about my training.

I have had moments of great flow in packing and cleaning. Moments of intimate conversation and heart connection. Moments of poignant grief and confusion. And the stillness and quiet of sesshin, of ordinary mind are still palpable–yet, I am finding that I have to choose to include them in my attention.

If I don’t, I miss out on this great undercurrent of life–the source of life. And am much more likely to attach to my temporary feelings, thoughts, ordeals.

Attention can be as large or small as a single thought, a single sensation–a single emotion. Attention can feature resistance to life. When we are aware of what we are attending to, then attention gets more interesting. We aren’t prisoners of our mind, but can expand or deepen attention.

This is where practice comes in.

Hongzhi says, alertly seeing through confusion is the way of silent illumination

Alertly  seeing through confusion.

What does this mean for you? How do you do it…

First–how do you recognize confusion? And what practices help you come back to present moment experience, to a moment of thought-free awareness, to the silence, spaciousness, stillness and brightness of this!

One aspect of practice is noticing when we are practicing confusion. That would mean, believing, feeding, growing thoughts that perpetuate afflictive emotions, a sense of separation, self-centeredness–what the Buddha called “thoughts that have unskillful results.”

And then once we recognize that we are perpetuating confusion. Applying practice to interrupt that habit of attention. Here are four simple practices I do: COIL.

Connecting with mindfulness–attention in direct present moment experience (breath, sound, bottoms of the feet / body sensation, visual field)

Open to space–allow attention to open to the space in the room, disconnecting from thought and becoming sky-like awareness

Inquiry – looking into the nature of confusion / thought, inquiring using Byron Katie’s simple and poignant question– is that true?

Loving Kindness or Self Compassion—replacing confusion with loving kindness or self compassion

What methods have you developed that help you see through confusion?

Hongzhi asks in this same stanza, what is this wonder?

Does applying these methods of re-aligning attention, bring wonder?

Or freshness, joy, enjoyment, awe?

We often think, oh awakening, enlightenment, freedom it's out there–LATER– its when my mind is completely concentrated for 24 hours, its when I no longer have this tightness in my chest, it’s when I can communicate with animals, it's when such and such happens. 

And in having these fixed beliefs about awakening, we also seem to say: it can’t have anything to do with recognizing thinking and coming back to presence. 

But actually. This is awakening. It is waking up from confusion. And returning to our natural state. 

And sometimes that recognition is powerful! Like when we are immersed in a story of self-righteous anger and we are able to let go of it; great relief. And sometimes it is really subtle, noticing how we are narrating the breath and then letting that drop off for a moment at the end of the exhale.

As we go into this time of holiday busyness. Remember what tools you have cultivated, and remember to apply them. Chozen Roshi always says, you need to be creative in your application. In a way we each need to make the practice our own. Everyone’s mind is different, everyone’s ego is unique. So we meet our confusion, with the practices we have internalized.

The next line of the chant is: vision penetrating into subtle radiance is weaving gold on a jade loom. 

Chozen Roshi often says we weave our life together with awareness. Awareness is that golden thread, everything we do, feel, think, see, interact with is the jade loom of our life. May we weave together these seemingly difficult, tragic, beautiful and simple aspects of life, to make one whole golden life!